Thursday, December 15, 2016

Tein Shabbat V'tein Shalom

12/15

“More than the Jews have kept the Sabbath, the Sabbath has kept the Jews.” 
-Ahad Ha'am


Last Shabbat, I participated in and helped facilitate what I thought was one of my most moving Jewish experiences in recent memory. Sam and I hosted a remarkable Shabbat dinner (Pictured above; sorry for not smiling), and I want to share the experience here.

Sam and I have both been making friends and contacts throughout the Jewish community in Budapest, and we have been excited to see some new opportunities and experiences coming from those networks. One example was that we had both connected with a man named Gyuri who is very involved in the Jewish community and currently runs a seminar that trains Hungarians to be able to lead Taglit Birthright trips. The training focuses on much more skill and content building than simply leading the Israel trip. One such focus is on expanding familiarity with different types of basic Jewish knowledge and experiences. As such, Gyuri asked Sam and me if we would be willing to host a Shabbat dinner that would include the full menu of Shabbat traditions, while also presenting Shabbat in a very interesting and accessible way. Of course we agreed!

The final guest list included Sam, Gyuri, and me, Gyuri's American friend who was visiting from Israel, 3 participants of the Taglit training, 2 of our friends who live at the Budapest Moishe House, and 2 American friends who are in Budapest studying abroad. So in total, we had 11 people, including 6 Hungarians and 5 Americans, ages ranging from 19-30, and Shabbat experience ranging from first Shabbat ever to weekly Shabbat observers.

After initial shmoozing in our living room area, we opened the formal Shabbat experience with a general introduction to Shabbat, during which Sam and I introduced ourselves and shared what Shabbat means to us and how we have marked the day throughout our lives. Since Shabbat had actually started hours earlier, we did not light candles, but we mentioned that lighting candles marks the ritual and spiritual transition into Shabbat, and that the eyes are covered during the blessing as a sort of meditation to guide that transition. Accordingly, everyone closed their eyes and spent some moments thinking about their week and thinking about the time of rest to come. Everyone then had the chance to introduce themselves and share a word or two about what Shabbat means to them. We heard a range of interesting answers, from "holiness" to "community" to "family" to "unplugged."

I conducted the Shabbat table rituals (Shalom Aleichem, Kiddush, Netilat Yadaim (handwashing), and Hamotzi) by offering explanations and introductions, and also encouraging questions. People asked both technical and philosophical questions, and everyone seemed incredibly open to the rituals, even if it was all brand new.

During dinner, people had the chance to share a bit about their Jewish journeys. Hungarians were eager to hear a bit about the American Jewish denominations and the many different backgrounds and attitudes of the American group. I think for the Americans, it was a great and rare chance to self-reflect about our identity in a honest way that we could articulate and present to others. My Jewish "style" of observant egalitarian Judaism shines in some of the communities that I have been lucky to affiliate in the US, but is actually a rather small group in the landscape even of American Jewry. In Hungary, that type of Jewish identity really just doesn't exist, and that's ok. But to be able to share what it means for me to be an observant Jew with progressive attitudes and openness and excitement about all sorts of Jewish identities was really a special opportunity for me, and some people shared with me that they didn't know such a Jewish perspective existed but that they found it really exciting. I was in no way trying to persuade/recruit on behalf of any Jewish lifestyle or mindset, but just the opportunity to broaden perspectives felt important. The Americans were eager to hear about the Jewish stories of the Hungarians, which included stories such as growing up in a Marxist household, a Catholic household, and a Hungarian-Israeli household. Judaism mattered to everyone at the table, but it meant very different things to different people. People so clearly relished the opportunity to learn how Judaism can have such profound and variant meanings for different people.

(Note: In case the dinner sounded exclusively deep and formal, believe me that we had amazing conversations and jokes, and it was just a lovely meal in every way. Also, it was vegetarian AND delicious!)

After dinner, people took turns teaching songs to the group. We learned Ozi V'zimrat Yah (and even harmonized after a run-throughs), Od Yavo Shalom, a Joey Weisenberg niggun (yes, I taught this one), and Kol Ha'olam Kulo in Hebrew, Hungarian, and English! The singing was incredible, and people who knew no Hebrew and none of the melodies were maybe the most eager to keep singing.

Our Shabbat dinner left me truly energized and enriched in so many ways. I shared with the group that I have always found Shabbat to be a compelling and beautiful idea and experience, but I understand that those feelings had to be nurtured, and also that Shabbat means very different things to different people. Our Shabbat experience succeeded in that it allowed every participant to be open to the ideas and backgrounds of the others, while at the same time being incredibly focused and introspective. I hope to have more opportunities this year and for many years to come to celebrate Shabbat in a way that allows me to share my love for Shabbat that has grown throughout my life with others, and to be open to all that I can learn from sharing Shabbat with all sorts of people from various backgrounds and beliefs.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Benjy with a J?

12/1

This is my language post.

I began this post during my second week here, and then decided against posting it. I realized that I was utterly fascinated by the power for language to connect and (in the case of my early days in a new country) divide people. Yet my thoughts were still too raw, and I needed to experience and reflect a little more on the subject.

To explain the title of the post, from what I understand, "Y" isn't really its own letter in Hungarian, but is just used in conjunction with other letters to modify their sounds. But the "Y" sound we know in English comes from the letter "J" here. So the nuance of my blog title gets sort of lost in translation, which is perhaps the perfect introduction to my encounter with language so far.

When I started this post back in September, I was tempted to give the basic living abroad synopsis of language hurdles, and teach you the few Hungarian words I have picked up (unfortunately, my December level of Hungarian is not so much stronger than my September level... I still haven't officially started language lessons, but hopefully I will start soon). I was going to tell you what it feels like to be a native English speaker, and what it feels like to have this selfish feeling inside me that everyone else really ought to speak English. As it turns out, my Hungarian counterparts frequently have far better familiarity with foreign languages. Many study and travel abroad, and teenage students actually devote a year of school to picking up foreign language/s. As Europe has tried to come together in many ways over the last few decades, language remains a basic barrier. Some have even suggested the creation of a "Euro" for language. Oftentimes English seems to be the default common denominator. It doesn't seem uncommon to have a European couple from different countries who communicate in English, even though it is neither of their mother tongue.

In terms of my comfort with being in a country where Hungarian, a language notorious for its complexity and linguistic anomalousness, is the official language, it has definitely been a story with many chapters. I was at first entirely freaked out by the language barrier, but I now understand that it is ok for communication to have hurdles, and to rely extra heavily on non-verbal communication. I actually bought a new bed the other day using gestures and a translation iPhone app (not the first transaction to happen that way), and I often follow along in conversations that sound like total gibberish to me by offering what seems to be appropriate feedback (chuckles, facial expressions). What's funny is that my feedback does not feel fabricated or insincere; rather, it is simply the most I can offer given the information I understand (essentially a purely non-verbal interaction).

When I was first going to write this post, I crafted the following paragraph:
"With the high holidays around the corner (#TBT, am I right??), I am reminded of one of our family's favorite stories, The Hardest Word. The book tells the story of the Ziz, a massive bird who means well, and is tasked by God to find the hardest word. The Ziz comes up with all sorts of crazy words (I think 'spaghetti' is the only one I can think of off the top of my head) and ultimately realizes that the hardest word is in fact (SPOILER ALERT) "Sorry." I think the message is strong, however, I would encourage the Ziz to visit Hungary, and find that in fact, 'Viszontlátásra' (a more formal way of simply saying 'goodbye') is much harder than 'sorry.'"


Now, I am picking up my thinking about language once more, because it is 1:00 AM as I type and I just came home from seeing the movie The Arrival. I won't spoil the movie, but the language thing is HUGE. A funny anecdote, however, is that during a crucial moment of foreign communication, the regular English subtitles were ONLY offered in Hungarian!! Sam (my roommate) and I exchanged an "oh no" look, and I quickly pulled out my translate app. I managed to only translate a few words, and immediately called my dad after the movie to ask what the communication meant. For those of you who have seen the movie, please feel free to follow up with me because I'd love to talk further about how cool that movie was.

To maintain my self-described tendency to extrapolate even more broadly, hopefully not to the point of pontification, I will mention that language has opened up the Tower of Babel can of worms for me. While well known, this Bible story hardly merits much attention at all in the text. It occupies a mere few sentences, and we learn of no individual protagonists or antagonists, probably because humans (literally) rose and fell in unison. That's the whole point, right? People all spoke the same language, and essentially grew pompous enough to believe that their grand unity could encroach upon the glory of God. Seemingly appropriately, God punishes them with a dispersion that confuses their tongues into the thousands of languages spoken around the world. The punishment seems to meet the crime, yet here I am in Hungary suffering for the sins of those anonymous masses, written just a few columns into the book of Genesis (meaning the story of the world has hardly just started, and they've already complicated my year abroad)!?? Not only that, but I'm led to believe that if my life were to become much easier and language barriers could magically disappear overnight (and the climactic scene of The Arrival would have never been ruined for me), collective humanity would risk the threat of mass unified pompousness and sin! Oy vey.

I need to wrap my head around these thoughts a little more, but I will say that perhaps the lesson gleaned here is that while we still may, and perhaps even should, seek to bridge the gaps between the different peoples of the world, the language barriers keep us humble during those attempts. We never risk feeling as high and mighty as God, because nothing feels more human than drawing upon all of our resources (body language, gestures, facial expression, tone, posture, etc) to desperately bridge a gap to connect with another human being. The feeling forces us to feel our limits as people, and to really grasp the importance of our unique background and story, as well as that of our counterpart.

My Facebook cover photo defines a made up word called Sonder, which describes the realization that every other person on Earth, those people who seem like nameless and faceless extras in the grand drama of our lives, actually have as infinitely complex lives as our own. When I hear someone speaking a foreign language, I understand that this person's history, lineage, and upbringing took place under entirely different circumstances than my own, and our parallel universe have someone touched. Language does not entirely bridge that gap, but it illuminates the uniqueness of each person and demarcates the opportunities and limitations of interpersonal relationships.

Networking

12/1

I try and periodically give an update about the status of my professional life here, so here it goes.

In some of my past posts, I was pretty optimistic about being able to fill my schedule with new engagements and commitments in the coming weeks and months. As it turns out, it's not so easy. Being the first fellow here, and being in a large community with many different organizations, I have relied on good old professional networking to try and create more structure for my position. Through contacts I have met on my own or have been introduced to, I have reached out to all sorts of professionals in the Jewish community to pitch a partnership. In a meeting I had yesterday, I was told that working with an American Fellow may sound enticing, but the Hungarian community is actually kind of hard to break into. The Hungarian Jewish community is pretty homogenous, because there has not been a major influx of a Jewish migrants in perhaps hundreds of years, and the community here has roots that often date back many generations. Therefore, the common tongue and common history unites them in a way that makes it a little less exciting to have an American Fellow.

In any case, I think that it's safe to anticipate that future fellows will take my place in the Hungary placement, and the more the community understands that they can expect to have a Fellow around whom they are free to utilize for all sorts of community programs, the better off the longevity of this placement will be. Of course, I also want to have the chance to get busy, so I'm doing my best. I have some potential to join various community programs, from after school childcare to a Jewish elderly English club, as well as a special needs group that meets for art and dance. Essentially all community programming is run in Hungarian, but I will try and carve out a space for myself to succeed as a participant/volunteer. I am in contact with the large Jewish school, the Szarvas summer camp, and the Jewish Museum about other potential involvement.

My BBYO work remains strong, and we're getting ready to close up our first semester of programming on a high note. Since our camp, the tone of the group has shifted in a very positive way, with the group feeling more united, and with the teens having a new openness to the programming that we offer. We began an ongoing heritage project to encourage reflection on the teens' family histories, which will hopefully result in a reflective community visual art presentation to be submitted to a heritage project run out of Beit Hatfutsot in Israel. This Shabbat, we will join BBYO chapters around the globe in celebrating Global Shabbat, which for us will include prayers at the synagogue, a potluck Shabbat dinner, activities and games, and a sleepover together at the synagogue.
Here are some teens showing off their family heirlooms to the group. Both of these boys brought in tallitot.

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Some other exciting news, our Mannequin Challenge was featured on a Hungarian website! http://www.szeretlekmagyarorszag.hu/az-51-legjobb-magyar-mannequin-challenge/

So while I remain optimistic that my life will become busier in the next few weeks, I remain patient for now. At least BBYO is in good shape, and we're already looking forward to our trip to Dallas for International Convention in February!

Final update: For those of you keeping track at home, I still have taken exactly 1 proper standing shower with a shower curtain during my nearly 3 months here. When I moved in, there wasn't a curtain, and I need an extra long bar to be able to hold one up. I acquired one and had it for exactly one shower before it broke. The apartment owner is installing a new and improved one next week, so a new era will begin soon! No more sitting in the bathtub and cleansing myself like a baby!
Enjoy this picture of Parliament under the Margaret Bridge, take from the vantage point of Margaret Island. I went on an evening run and couldn't resist taking and posting this picture.